Doubt

Last November, I was on the phone with my dad. We were talking about college, which was the norm for like 5 months straight. Uggh.

Anyway he started talking about how he believed I could get into Harvard with a full scholarship. I had heard this statement so many times before and normally felt mildly annoyed by it. Me, Harvard material? Full ride? You've got to be kidding me. But this time, something hit me.

I realized he genuinely believed what he was saying. He was telling me that he had so much faith in me that he thought I could get into an extremely selective school and get an even sweeter deal because Harvard would want me me so badly that they wanted to pay my way to study there. He thought I was that good.

It's so rare for people to have that much faith in you. He had more faith in me than I had in myself, and that meant so much.

I'm undoubtedly pretty hard on myself. I guess it's just another attribute I learned in gymnastics. I'm not satisfied with most things until I've done my absolute best. Even then, I'll be thinking about ways I could have done it better. Perfectionist? Somewhat.

The problem with being like that is that you tend to doubt yourself regularly. Every time you think you don't do something well enough, doubt creeps into your head, telling you that perhaps you're just not good enough for anything. In gymnastics, when you doubt yourself, you get injured. Badly. It's no different in life, really. Doubting prevents you from trying, which prevents you from learning, which prevents you from growing, which further prevents you from living. This is summed up well in one of my favorite quotes: "Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will."

Although what my dad believed would happen didn't even come close to happening, it was the one of the most comforting encouragements I've ever received. I don't think I'll ever fully believe what he did about me, but the main thing is that someone else believed in me more than I did myself. And funny enough, the thought of that single thought makes me doubt myself just a little less.