Let's talk about my MIT interview.
Actually, it was such a horrific experience that I prefer not to talk about it. But let's talk about this specific part.
I have no idea what he asked, but at one point I started talking about my school atmosphere. It started off okay, but it got pretty negative pretty fast as I started talking about the difficulty of making friends even though I try to be nice to everyone. I said all of that with tears in my eyes. Uggh. Imagine how desperately I was trying to remain emotionally neutral, but I couldn't shift out of fifth gear.
When I finally got my head together, thinking okay maybe I should show some sort of understanding or philosophy or something, I concluded with, "But this has taught me the that not everyone can be a friend. Some people just aren't going to want to befriend you, no matter how nice and kind you are."
The response I got? The most duh, isn't that sort of obvious? look and "Yes, that is true..."
This guy didn't get me at all. Actually, for anyone who has never really experienced this kind of environment, to the point that you've almost completely given up on making friends, they can't possibly, fully understand that realizing that not everyone can be a friend is actually a huge revelation. People like me who are nice and sensitive take a lot longer to understand this sort of thing.
It's always sort of baffled me that I try so hard to be nice and open and caring and my friend turnover rate is incredibly low. Maybe I'm the problem, as my interviewer roundaboutly suggested. But how? How could I be the problem when I am the nice one?
There is another layer of complexity to this problem. So, I sort of gave up actively making friends a while ago. And now, I'm somehow making friends.
For example, the girl I sit next to in psychology, who has told the class that humans make her stressed and that she wants to be a mortician (see the correlation?), completely surprised me one week by quietly saying "hi" to me as I walked in. Then, she surprised me a few weeks ago as I was leaving by wishing me a good spring break. THEN. Last week everybody had left the room except us. She started a conversation with me.
This is the girl who has not said a word all year.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy about it. I may be on my way out of this place, but I appreciate positive interaction.
This is also not the first time somebody who seems like they don't want to be friends with anyone has wanted to befriend me.
I can't understand any of it. And now, I don't know how to make friends going forward. Do I try the "nice" route and probably get them to just ignore me, or do I ignore them and let them come to me? I don't know. I guess being nice scares some people away. Which is really, really strange to me, if you couldn't tell already.
Perhaps I can maximize my friend turnover rate by alternating both methods. That sounds like the most ridiculous thing ever, but it seems to sort of be working.
Uggh. Anyway. I appreciate that I've somehow been able to win my current friends. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to leave to go sit in a classroom and ignore everyone to make them befriend me.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Favorite Quotations
There's not much that can make you think more than a profound quote. One great place to find quotes is Pinterest. If it weren't for Pinterest, then, I wouldn't think much.
Just kidding.
Yes, most of these quotes have been found from my two years on Pinterest, but some are from literature and interesting people. But they all mean something to me, and some have even had the power to change my mindset on critical situations. So, let's go.
"The trouble is, you think you have time." - Buddha
"When BS reaches a very high level, it's called thinking." - On Writing the College Application Essay
"Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
"Do human beings ever realize life while they live it?--every, every minute?" - Our Town
"Not my circus, not my monkeys." - Polish proverb
"But I realized that A players like working with other A players; they just don't like working with C players." - Steve Jobs
"Self motivation is security." - my dad
"Pray to the Lord for He will make their hearts open to His Word." - Leviticus 23:23-27
"Faith assures us of the things we expect and convinces us of the existence of things we cannot see." - Hebrews 11:1
"Write hard and clear about what hurts." - Ernest Hemingway
"I don't care what you think about me; I don't think about you at all." - Coco Chanel
"There are people who have money and people who are rich." - Coco Chanel
"The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones that actually do." - Steve Jobs
"If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room." - Anonymous
"You must know...surely, you must know that it was all for you." Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice
"Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I --
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken
"You're a human being, you live once, and life is beautiful, so eat the damn red velvet cupcake." - Emma Stone
Just kidding.
Yes, most of these quotes have been found from my two years on Pinterest, but some are from literature and interesting people. But they all mean something to me, and some have even had the power to change my mindset on critical situations. So, let's go.
"The trouble is, you think you have time." - Buddha
"When BS reaches a very high level, it's called thinking." - On Writing the College Application Essay
"Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
"Do human beings ever realize life while they live it?--every, every minute?" - Our Town
"Not my circus, not my monkeys." - Polish proverb
"But I realized that A players like working with other A players; they just don't like working with C players." - Steve Jobs
"Self motivation is security." - my dad
"Pray to the Lord for He will make their hearts open to His Word." - Leviticus 23:23-27
"Faith assures us of the things we expect and convinces us of the existence of things we cannot see." - Hebrews 11:1
"Write hard and clear about what hurts." - Ernest Hemingway
"I don't care what you think about me; I don't think about you at all." - Coco Chanel
"There are people who have money and people who are rich." - Coco Chanel
"The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones that actually do." - Steve Jobs
"If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room." - Anonymous
"You must know...surely, you must know that it was all for you." Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice
"Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I --
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken
"You're a human being, you live once, and life is beautiful, so eat the damn red velvet cupcake." - Emma Stone
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
The End
Guess what? I received all of my college decisions, as of March 28, 2014, at 2:00 pm. And guess what the result was?
5 rejections to 2 acceptances.
Now, when I thought about that happening about a year ago, I saw myself devastated. Depressed. Crushed. Angry. Confused. And worthless.
Laugh out loud.
In a way, it's somewhat of a relief. I mean, how could anyone choose from 7 schools? Also, I felt barely interested in about 3 of them. Although, I did (and still do) want to get into one of them specifically so badly that it literally felt painful to think about the alternative. The alternative that happened. The same alternative that I SURVIVED.
So how upset did I get over being rejected 5 times, 3 of which were all within 24 hours? Not as upset as I would have imagined. Perhaps it's just the senior year attitude, but I feel like I barely care about anything anymore. I only cried twice: majorly upset over not getting into that dream school, and somewhat angry over all the wasted time after receiving my next to last decision.
All of that time. I could have been having fun, smiling, and enjoying life. Less stressed. Happier. Less confused. And more realistic.
People tell me that if I had known the result beforehand, I wouldn't have done anything different. But I would have. I was stupid from the beginning, as I've discussed before, because four of those schools had a crazy low probability of my getting into them. But I still had hope. And honestly, hope keeps you going for a bit, but it can come back and destroy you not much later. So, I would have forgotten about two of those places, and focused a heck of a lot more on those essays for my dream school.
But I suppose that's what dreams are: dreams. They're called "dreams" for a reason. They're not easy to achieve.
I digress. I have one very, very good offer, so I feel fortunate for that. I just wish things had turned out differently. Don't we usually? However, nobody is fully in control of his or her life; one can only try to plan for it. Therefore, as I make the final decision on where I will spend the next four years of my education (and probably the best ones yet), I look forward to the twists and turns along the way. After all, it is the twists and turns in life that shape us into the wonderfully distorted human beings that we're destined to become.
5 rejections to 2 acceptances.
Now, when I thought about that happening about a year ago, I saw myself devastated. Depressed. Crushed. Angry. Confused. And worthless.
Laugh out loud.
In a way, it's somewhat of a relief. I mean, how could anyone choose from 7 schools? Also, I felt barely interested in about 3 of them. Although, I did (and still do) want to get into one of them specifically so badly that it literally felt painful to think about the alternative. The alternative that happened. The same alternative that I SURVIVED.
So how upset did I get over being rejected 5 times, 3 of which were all within 24 hours? Not as upset as I would have imagined. Perhaps it's just the senior year attitude, but I feel like I barely care about anything anymore. I only cried twice: majorly upset over not getting into that dream school, and somewhat angry over all the wasted time after receiving my next to last decision.
All of that time. I could have been having fun, smiling, and enjoying life. Less stressed. Happier. Less confused. And more realistic.
People tell me that if I had known the result beforehand, I wouldn't have done anything different. But I would have. I was stupid from the beginning, as I've discussed before, because four of those schools had a crazy low probability of my getting into them. But I still had hope. And honestly, hope keeps you going for a bit, but it can come back and destroy you not much later. So, I would have forgotten about two of those places, and focused a heck of a lot more on those essays for my dream school.
But I suppose that's what dreams are: dreams. They're called "dreams" for a reason. They're not easy to achieve.
I digress. I have one very, very good offer, so I feel fortunate for that. I just wish things had turned out differently. Don't we usually? However, nobody is fully in control of his or her life; one can only try to plan for it. Therefore, as I make the final decision on where I will spend the next four years of my education (and probably the best ones yet), I look forward to the twists and turns along the way. After all, it is the twists and turns in life that shape us into the wonderfully distorted human beings that we're destined to become.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
To the Perfect Nameless Man
I don't know your name. I don't know your age. I don't know your life. Heck, I don't really even know your voice. But I know you.
I know you have an eye for elegance. Simplicity.
You are well read, sitting there with a physical book in your hands, peering down through your rectangular glasses with a slight smile. Smiling because you are so well-rounded. A smile that suggests you are happy to be learning, growing, enriching yourself.
You dress in nice clothes in typical minimalist fashion. It's as if you put them on with careful consideration and have barely given them a thought since. Your hair is a beautiful light brown that reflects the light like a mirror. Your face is gorgeous, soft, and kind.
I like to think you are a writer. A man of much profound and thorough thought. You pace back and forth sometimes, slightly impatient but not showing it on your face. You carefully examine posters on the walls, absorbing every detail. Your stature, your overall composure, is just quintessential.
You, sir, are a beautiful man. You are a little gem in my routine life. You don't know it, but you have the power to make my day just a little brighter and a little better by just being present.
Thank you for being as earthly perfect as possible.
You, sir, are a beautiful man. You are a little gem in my routine life. You don't know it, but you have the power to make my day just a little brighter and a little better by just being present.
Thank you for being as earthly perfect as possible.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Nearing the Finish Line
You've probably caught on now that I'm in my last year of high school. And thank goodness.
In a way, I wish I could be one of those people who says that high school was the best four years of their life. Because that means you actually had fun, felt unburdened, and had some good friends and memories.
It was last year, junior year, that I started to feel the unbearable urge to finish up. I was volunteering at the seniors' graduation, and a mother of one of the seniors told me to "enjoy senior year because it will fly by too fast." To which I quickly responded: "Good, because I want it to be over."
Well, she was sort of taken aback. But obviously her idea of a high school experience wasn't exactly what high school has been like for me. Bad classes, bad teachers, 11 standardized tests (most of them right after the other), losing my best friends, tons of family problems, and lots of frustration. I've spent most of my high school experience working extremely hard on homework and tests and just trying to stay focused. I devoted my whole summer before junior year to preparing for the PSAT. I was doing at least a half a practice test per day. When I wasn't doing any sort of school work, I was doing gymnastics, 4 hours a day, 4 days a week.
Burned out is an extreme understatement at this point.
Unlike most of my peers, I can't even afford the luxury of senioritis, because as long as there are critical assignments to be done, you can't allow yourself to slip into relaxation. I guess that's one good thing about my mean coach I've mentioned. He was always drilling the word "DISCIPLINE" into my head. And by discipline, he probably just meant follow his orders obediently. But the mental discipline I've acquired has been very useful this year to stay motivated.
There have also been a few good things that I've encountered over my high school experience. I've met some very good friends, not many, but they have helped keep me level-headed. I've had some very critical life experiences. I got good test scores by working so hard on test prep. I'm a National Merit Commended Scholar. I've reached level 8 in gymnastics. And, I've gotten an excellent academic scholarship that finally makes all the hard work feel a tiny bit worth it.
My problem might be that I've just felt like I've been in the wrong place for too long. That's why I've been holding onto the thought of college so dearly, because it is there that I believe I am meant to feel like I finally fit in. I don't know why I feel like I don't mesh into school right now, but I am hoping and praying that I can make college mine, you know?
Perhaps that is a lofty expectation, but I'm going to give it all I've got. Because that is the one of the few precious thoughts that are keeping me going right now and for the next two months. I envision the day that I graduate, May 25, 2014, to be a glorious one. I'm sure it will be, because I'll finally be able to end this chapter of my life and start working on some better ones.
In a way, I wish I could be one of those people who says that high school was the best four years of their life. Because that means you actually had fun, felt unburdened, and had some good friends and memories.
It was last year, junior year, that I started to feel the unbearable urge to finish up. I was volunteering at the seniors' graduation, and a mother of one of the seniors told me to "enjoy senior year because it will fly by too fast." To which I quickly responded: "Good, because I want it to be over."
Well, she was sort of taken aback. But obviously her idea of a high school experience wasn't exactly what high school has been like for me. Bad classes, bad teachers, 11 standardized tests (most of them right after the other), losing my best friends, tons of family problems, and lots of frustration. I've spent most of my high school experience working extremely hard on homework and tests and just trying to stay focused. I devoted my whole summer before junior year to preparing for the PSAT. I was doing at least a half a practice test per day. When I wasn't doing any sort of school work, I was doing gymnastics, 4 hours a day, 4 days a week.
Burned out is an extreme understatement at this point.
Unlike most of my peers, I can't even afford the luxury of senioritis, because as long as there are critical assignments to be done, you can't allow yourself to slip into relaxation. I guess that's one good thing about my mean coach I've mentioned. He was always drilling the word "DISCIPLINE" into my head. And by discipline, he probably just meant follow his orders obediently. But the mental discipline I've acquired has been very useful this year to stay motivated.
There have also been a few good things that I've encountered over my high school experience. I've met some very good friends, not many, but they have helped keep me level-headed. I've had some very critical life experiences. I got good test scores by working so hard on test prep. I'm a National Merit Commended Scholar. I've reached level 8 in gymnastics. And, I've gotten an excellent academic scholarship that finally makes all the hard work feel a tiny bit worth it.
My problem might be that I've just felt like I've been in the wrong place for too long. That's why I've been holding onto the thought of college so dearly, because it is there that I believe I am meant to feel like I finally fit in. I don't know why I feel like I don't mesh into school right now, but I am hoping and praying that I can make college mine, you know?
Perhaps that is a lofty expectation, but I'm going to give it all I've got. Because that is the one of the few precious thoughts that are keeping me going right now and for the next two months. I envision the day that I graduate, May 25, 2014, to be a glorious one. I'm sure it will be, because I'll finally be able to end this chapter of my life and start working on some better ones.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Growing Up: A Mistake, Sort Of
In 12 days, I'll be a legal adult. Like, legal as in I can buy Sharpies, get married, smoke, and get a tattoo or a few. None of those sound like much consolation though.
For a girl who never wanted to grow up, it's traumatic in a small, quiet way. I still remember sitting on my mom's lap the day of my 7th birthday, having a small meltdown. "I want to be 6 FOREVER," I exclaimed as a few tears slipped out. Man, I still wish I was 6.
Kindergarten was hands down the best academic year of my life. Learning to read. Drawing. Everybody thinking I was cool because of my fake diamond necklace which I managed to convince them was totally real. Show and tell. Lots of people to play with.
Now, I reflect on something a mother of another kid in my class said on my last day of kindergarten, the day before our "graduation." As my friend and I were busy drawing intricate designs on the table smothered with shaving cream, I unconsciously heard this solid piece of philosophy.
"Pretty soon, they'll be graduating for real."
I guess it didn't happen "pretty soon", but it did go by a bit faster than I had hoped. I grew up too quickly. Darn that maturity.
I want to go back to playing with my Build a Bear animals with my childhood best friend. I want to go back to my parents smiling and holding both of my hands as we skated around the mall's ice rink. I want to go back to the days of endless imagination, laughs, and getting in trouble with my brothers.
I suppose the one advantage of growing up is clarity. I was confused a lot as a child because I couldn't understand complicated situations, partly because I was probably too young to understand, or because nobody wanted to explain things to me. So instead I spent a lot of time just frustrated and upset, trying to come up with my own explanations. Now, as I approach 18, sometimes I feel like I have the clarity of somebody who's 80 years old. Which is good. Sort of. Actually, it only makes me feel older.
Anyway, I guess I just wish my childhood hadn't rushed by so fast. Maybe it's a good thing that I want to relive it. Of course I look forward to the day I start college, get my driver's license, etc. Those are all nice things about growing up. It's possible though that I didn't want to grow up because I was afraid of the future being worse than the present day. I mean, that's a pretty common fear. But with the future comes many opportunities for change, some good and some bad. And I live for opportunities, even if they might not be as good as those I had when I was 6 years old.
For a girl who never wanted to grow up, it's traumatic in a small, quiet way. I still remember sitting on my mom's lap the day of my 7th birthday, having a small meltdown. "I want to be 6 FOREVER," I exclaimed as a few tears slipped out. Man, I still wish I was 6.
Kindergarten was hands down the best academic year of my life. Learning to read. Drawing. Everybody thinking I was cool because of my fake diamond necklace which I managed to convince them was totally real. Show and tell. Lots of people to play with.
Now, I reflect on something a mother of another kid in my class said on my last day of kindergarten, the day before our "graduation." As my friend and I were busy drawing intricate designs on the table smothered with shaving cream, I unconsciously heard this solid piece of philosophy.
"Pretty soon, they'll be graduating for real."
I guess it didn't happen "pretty soon", but it did go by a bit faster than I had hoped. I grew up too quickly. Darn that maturity.
I want to go back to playing with my Build a Bear animals with my childhood best friend. I want to go back to my parents smiling and holding both of my hands as we skated around the mall's ice rink. I want to go back to the days of endless imagination, laughs, and getting in trouble with my brothers.
I suppose the one advantage of growing up is clarity. I was confused a lot as a child because I couldn't understand complicated situations, partly because I was probably too young to understand, or because nobody wanted to explain things to me. So instead I spent a lot of time just frustrated and upset, trying to come up with my own explanations. Now, as I approach 18, sometimes I feel like I have the clarity of somebody who's 80 years old. Which is good. Sort of. Actually, it only makes me feel older.
Anyway, I guess I just wish my childhood hadn't rushed by so fast. Maybe it's a good thing that I want to relive it. Of course I look forward to the day I start college, get my driver's license, etc. Those are all nice things about growing up. It's possible though that I didn't want to grow up because I was afraid of the future being worse than the present day. I mean, that's a pretty common fear. But with the future comes many opportunities for change, some good and some bad. And I live for opportunities, even if they might not be as good as those I had when I was 6 years old.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Nobody Wins When We Play the Waiting Game
If there's one game that I've played every second, every minute, and every day of the past 4 years, it's the waiting game. And it turns out, I'm not very good at it.
I know it's normal for many college-bound high school students to be stressed. I'm familiar with that. But what makes what's already stressful enough--homework, bad teachers, SAT, ACT, SAT subject tests, AP exams, PSAT, the general horribleness of the high school social environment, and the monotony of rinse, wash, and repeat--even more stressful is the added thought of college. It's just a thought freshmen year. It's just a thought sophomore year. It's a plan junior year. And then, it's an action senior year.
Anyone motivated and under the right circumstances from the beginning of their high school experience has been conditioned to believe they are going to college. Up until senior year, everything is possible. You imagine things in your head, such as walking around Dream University's campus, telling people you studied at Dream University, blah blah.
This is when the waiting game begins: when every academic move you make will affect your college chances. At first, it's not too bad. Besides the "man I wish I was in college!" thoughts periodically, it's not horrible. Fast forward to junior year, and it's a slightly different story.
You wish you were in college so much that it hurts sometimes. At least, it did for me. I spent my entire junior year only thinking about senior year and freshman year of college, specifically how freaking awesome it would be to finally be finishing this difficult journey. How I'd definitely be able to get into a college with an acceptance rate of 16%. How I'll get all my super prestigious college decisions, and how could I possibly choose from seven Ivy League decisions with full rides! How I'd be graduating, throwing my hat up in the air, and thinking what a wonderful experience this has been.
Well, guess what. Senior year sucks. I can't remember the last time I've had fun, felt truly calm, or actually even content. It's just been a year of too many stresses. Why? Because the waiting game is coming to a close, and I'm finally coming to terms with the reality of college admissions. This is the truest experience of the reality of the unfairness of the real world for me.
I applied to seven schools. Stupidly. You know why? Because 4 of them are near-Ivies and one Ivy. One of them is the school I really would have liked to get into, one I'm barely interested in, and the last is my backup school. I basically knew I was setting myself up for possible disappointment, and I still applied anyway. I wrote all of those 30 stinking essays. I poured my heart and every ounce of energy I had into them. I spent the last few months of 2013 taking the last few critical standardized tests I'd need to be considered. And all along, while exhausted and stressed to the max, I kept telling myself that everything was possible. Maybe that sounds good to you, but it's really come back to hurt me now.
I haven't been outright rejected. In a somewhat worse way, I've been "practically rejected" from two schools so far, one of which I really, really, really wanted to attend. They didn't outright say I was excellent, and they didn't outright say I wasn't bad. Just average. And that's hard to accept when you've prided yourself on being a bit above average in many things for the past few years.
I believe everybody loses when we play the waiting game. The loss is different for different people. Even if you "win"-- you get into the college you want, you finally marry the person you want--you've still lost a lot of something along the way. In my case, I've lost all of that precious time I spent on those applications, a lot of my sanity, my energy, a lot of my happiness, and some of my dreams. All for what? Where my education will take place for the next four years? This is looking like an extreme, somewhat superficial sacrifice. And it shouldn't be, because I know that I'll look back in one, two, three, or four years and think how trivial it has been. But I can't think that now, because the waiting game still continues.
I know it's normal for many college-bound high school students to be stressed. I'm familiar with that. But what makes what's already stressful enough--homework, bad teachers, SAT, ACT, SAT subject tests, AP exams, PSAT, the general horribleness of the high school social environment, and the monotony of rinse, wash, and repeat--even more stressful is the added thought of college. It's just a thought freshmen year. It's just a thought sophomore year. It's a plan junior year. And then, it's an action senior year.
Anyone motivated and under the right circumstances from the beginning of their high school experience has been conditioned to believe they are going to college. Up until senior year, everything is possible. You imagine things in your head, such as walking around Dream University's campus, telling people you studied at Dream University, blah blah.
This is when the waiting game begins: when every academic move you make will affect your college chances. At first, it's not too bad. Besides the "man I wish I was in college!" thoughts periodically, it's not horrible. Fast forward to junior year, and it's a slightly different story.
You wish you were in college so much that it hurts sometimes. At least, it did for me. I spent my entire junior year only thinking about senior year and freshman year of college, specifically how freaking awesome it would be to finally be finishing this difficult journey. How I'd definitely be able to get into a college with an acceptance rate of 16%. How I'll get all my super prestigious college decisions, and how could I possibly choose from seven Ivy League decisions with full rides! How I'd be graduating, throwing my hat up in the air, and thinking what a wonderful experience this has been.
Well, guess what. Senior year sucks. I can't remember the last time I've had fun, felt truly calm, or actually even content. It's just been a year of too many stresses. Why? Because the waiting game is coming to a close, and I'm finally coming to terms with the reality of college admissions. This is the truest experience of the reality of the unfairness of the real world for me.
I applied to seven schools. Stupidly. You know why? Because 4 of them are near-Ivies and one Ivy. One of them is the school I really would have liked to get into, one I'm barely interested in, and the last is my backup school. I basically knew I was setting myself up for possible disappointment, and I still applied anyway. I wrote all of those 30 stinking essays. I poured my heart and every ounce of energy I had into them. I spent the last few months of 2013 taking the last few critical standardized tests I'd need to be considered. And all along, while exhausted and stressed to the max, I kept telling myself that everything was possible. Maybe that sounds good to you, but it's really come back to hurt me now.
I haven't been outright rejected. In a somewhat worse way, I've been "practically rejected" from two schools so far, one of which I really, really, really wanted to attend. They didn't outright say I was excellent, and they didn't outright say I wasn't bad. Just average. And that's hard to accept when you've prided yourself on being a bit above average in many things for the past few years.
I believe everybody loses when we play the waiting game. The loss is different for different people. Even if you "win"-- you get into the college you want, you finally marry the person you want--you've still lost a lot of something along the way. In my case, I've lost all of that precious time I spent on those applications, a lot of my sanity, my energy, a lot of my happiness, and some of my dreams. All for what? Where my education will take place for the next four years? This is looking like an extreme, somewhat superficial sacrifice. And it shouldn't be, because I know that I'll look back in one, two, three, or four years and think how trivial it has been. But I can't think that now, because the waiting game still continues.
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