This is probably nothing new to hear. Girls have historically been scarce in engineering. We could go into the reasons for that, but that's not what this post is really about. But I will tell you that it's mildly intimidating for one reason: telling guys what to do.
With all these group projects, at some point during the design process, someone has to step up to the plate and get everyone on the same page and direct the group a little bit. Now, I am not a natural leader at all. If I could, I would gladly sit quietly and let others tell me what to do. That's comfortable to me (after all I was a gymnast, and this is what 10 years of my life consisted of...).
As a girl, you're kind of trained to believe that a guy will take charge. Because men have typically been the bosses. But in every group project I've had so far, no guy has taken charge. In fact, in my experience, I've found they're completely willing to sit back and let others do all the work. So who ends up taking the unspoken initiative to be the leader?
I do.
Perhaps it's because I am the most concerned about my grades or because it's unbearably stressful when nobody has discussed and planned what needs to be done. But for every project I've had, I have been the one to lay out the tasks, coordinate a schedule, divide up tasks, and put together the final reports or presentations. And with the exception of one group, all of my group members have been guys. Which I really shouldn't care about, as long as they pull their weight (but that is a completely different topic that warrants another post).
But here's the thing. As the unofficial leader, I'm typically going to have to tell a guy to do something. Which is more frightening than it sounds. Again, even in today's world, society has ingrained in our minds that women are the ones that are supposed to be told what to do, and if a woman tells a man to do something? She's suddenly bossy, bitchy, uptight, etc. Every girl feels it. We're supposed to be super nice and caring and to not step on anyone's toes in any way at all. Or else we become a bitch. Girls tell each other to do things in a very careful and timid fashion. "Hey, I'm so sorry about this, but can you do a little favor for me? I would really appreciate it. Sorry again and thank you, you're so awesome!" That is how most girls will go about getting someone to do something for them. The main thing to take away from that is the amount of apologizing that is deemed necessary.
I've been trying to stray away from addressing people like that, because let's be honest--it sounds weak. But it's genuinely hard not to apologize for stuff that you feel like you're "supposed" to be sorry for. It's hard to sound casual, not too aggressive, not too confident, and not too bossy. Why do I worry about this? Because I am a girl trying to be a leader in a society that still isn't accepting of gender equality.
It's not like I've ever gotten a bad reaction from telling a guy what to do, but I definitely detect resentment sometimes. I have to pick my words carefully in order to not sound too forceful. Because, again, as a girl, I'm not supposed to hurt people's feelings. It is a tricky business to not cross the "bossy/bitchy" line while trying to get people to do their tasks. And it's frustrating to think that if I were a guy, I wouldn't have this problem.
I greatly respect any woman who acts as a leader to any group of people. I can guarantee you she has felt more pressures than a man would in her situation, simply because of the ancient, yet prevalent, view in many people's minds that they should not be "bossed around" by a woman. It is stressful, frustrating, and disheartening to have a position of power as a woman. And the problem is not going to be rectified anytime soon either, unless we change the mindset of the people holding back progress. And, of course, their mindsets are not going to be changed by women, so here we are arriving back at good old discouraging square one.
