Right now in my rhetoric class, we're putting the final touches on our rhetorical analyses. And let me tell you, I'll be glad to be rid of it. I hate the stuffiness of MLA format and the boring content. Give me creative writing that allows me to bleed a free flow of my ideas any day.
Anyway, as we finish up these essays, we are supposed to review our peers' papers. I wasn't too worried about this; I've always been told I write well and I can't think of an essay I got below an A on. So, it came as a surprise that someone who reviewed my paper said my analysis was "all over the place", my introduction and conclusion were "weak to average", and on a scale of 1 to 10, he would give it a "6/10, I guess."
Believe me, I can take constructive criticism. Heck, I can take mean criticism. But somehow, I was still mildly taken aback by these comments. And the root of it is basically this: I've never been told I'm average at anything.
I'm going to attempt to explain this in the least conceited way possible (I swear I am a humble person). But let me put it this way: if my high school had had a valedictorian, I'm almost certain it would have been me. With the exception of AP biology, my class averages were always 98 or over. I stood out to my teachers because I worked hard, actually committed myself to do the homework (unlike my peers), and just "got" everything--even things I didn't particularly like. Every teacher always had some sort of praise for me, and I basically glided through high school as one of the smartest and most ambitious.
Going into college, I knew things were going to change. I knew I wouldn't be one of the best anymore, but I welcomed that. There is an excellent quote that goes like "If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room." That quote really speaks to me, and ever since I read it, I craved that feeling. I was sick of feeling like everyone around me was stupid. It would be refreshing to have others smarter than I was around me.
And it has been great. For once in my life, academically, I feel like I'm in the right place. I enjoy not being able to answer questions that many others can, because it means that the competition is equal or better than my own abilities. In a way, I enjoy the slight struggle to understand everything new I'm learning, because it means I'm being intellectually challenged, something I ached for throughout high school.
Perhaps it has been tough medicine to swallow that I don't stand out anymore. The peer review was my best example of that. I am happily learning to accept it, though, because I've genuinely wanted this dilemma my whole academic life.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Sunday, September 21, 2014
The End of the Tech Store Saga
Well, my horribly sad story of attempting to connect with the cute tech store guy has reached a conclusion.
I went into the store for probably the 5th time. My excuse this time was to buy an additional lightning cable for my iPhone so I could charge my phone at school (who am I kidding...there is plenty of battery life to make it through the day). Regardless, I wandered around the store a bit in an attempt to act totally casual. I came so, so, so, so close to him ringing me up. Yet, I was forced to buy it from the other employee.
I paid $17 for a chance at a conversation that probably wouldn't have been worth $17. And it was only a CHANCE. I'm disappointed in myself, honestly. I had even made up a list of pros and cons when I was deciding whether to go into the store again or not. The cons drastically outweighed the pros, yet my feelings overrode my logic and ended up screwing me over.
Obviously, from now on I'm only entering the tech store if I actually need something tech-related in there. In a way though, I'm not obsessed anymore and that's definitely a good thing. Nobody has time to be obsessed.
Aside from that, college is going great but very busy. I'm already putting more effort into everything than I did in high school. Actually, the only thing I put a college-level amount of effort into in high school was AP biology. But that was because I just generally sucked at remembering biological things. Don't even ask me how the immune system works (in reality I should know the answer to anything about it because I spent two weeks studying it...). Give me math any day.
I will try to update my blog here as often as possible, but for now, college comes first. I genuinely miss writing a post each week, and I have a list in reserve of lots of ideas for posts. Oh lame, rambling blog, I miss you. I will be back soon.
I went into the store for probably the 5th time. My excuse this time was to buy an additional lightning cable for my iPhone so I could charge my phone at school (who am I kidding...there is plenty of battery life to make it through the day). Regardless, I wandered around the store a bit in an attempt to act totally casual. I came so, so, so, so close to him ringing me up. Yet, I was forced to buy it from the other employee.
I paid $17 for a chance at a conversation that probably wouldn't have been worth $17. And it was only a CHANCE. I'm disappointed in myself, honestly. I had even made up a list of pros and cons when I was deciding whether to go into the store again or not. The cons drastically outweighed the pros, yet my feelings overrode my logic and ended up screwing me over.
Obviously, from now on I'm only entering the tech store if I actually need something tech-related in there. In a way though, I'm not obsessed anymore and that's definitely a good thing. Nobody has time to be obsessed.
Aside from that, college is going great but very busy. I'm already putting more effort into everything than I did in high school. Actually, the only thing I put a college-level amount of effort into in high school was AP biology. But that was because I just generally sucked at remembering biological things. Don't even ask me how the immune system works (in reality I should know the answer to anything about it because I spent two weeks studying it...). Give me math any day.
I will try to update my blog here as often as possible, but for now, college comes first. I genuinely miss writing a post each week, and I have a list in reserve of lots of ideas for posts. Oh lame, rambling blog, I miss you. I will be back soon.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
The Tech Store Saga
I'm going to discuss a story that has been developing for a year, and consistently has a tragic ending for each segment. Ready for a frustrating, disheartening tale of my painful attempt at flirting?
Episode 1: Scholar's Day
A year ago, I was here on campus as a prospective student who was invited on a designated day to see the very best of the university. As I was wandering around campus, there was a specific area of rows and rows of tables. Each table represented a club, fraternity, sorority, or on-campus resource. So, I strolled along the rows, just sort of looking but not seeing, not really wanting to have to interact with anyone. That was all well and good until I started down the final row. I accidentally made eye contact with the guy behind a table, and basically thought oh shit, now I'm going to have to talk to someone. I know, I know. That's a horrible thing to say. But I'm only being honest. I take a few steps in the opposite direction. "Hello."
My eyes travel back to the guy I had made eye contact with. Tall, dark wavy hair that was a little too long, classic hipster glasses, somewhat tired expression--he basically looks like a typical computer science major. "Hi," I reply, reluctantly walking over to the table.
"We're the Tech Store. We have all your tech needs," he says quietly.
"Okay," I say, nodding my head and desperately trying to think of something to say. Think. Come on, thinkkkkk.
"Yeahhhh," he says. Cue an awkward, three second pause during which neither of us really look at each other.
Say something. Say it now. Seriously, THINK OF SOMETHING.
"So, do you guys sell computers?" As soon as I said it, I hated myself. I blushed. It was probably the dumbest thing to ever say to someone who works at the TECHNOLOGY STORE.
"Yeah," he says, probably noting the stupid question, but probably also relieved the silence was broken. He rambles on about other things they do, but I wasn't listening. My cheeks were burning and I just wanted to run away.
"Okay, thanks," I reply warmly, moving away a little. "I'm just going to take some of this candy you have sitting out here." I grab a piece and start moving.
"Take more," he said.
"No, I'm good, thanks."
"No really, take more."
At this point, any normal person would take more candy. But you know what I said?
"No, I really shouldn't eat candy." And now I'm walking away as fast as possible.
What. The. Heck. Is. Wrong. With. Me. I'm not kidding when I say I replay that over and over sometimes during those nights I can't fall asleep. It's so awkward and painful to remember. Also, just note I was awkward only because I wasn't expecting to talk to anyone. I wasn't attracted to him or anything. Yet.
Episode #2: The Download
Fast forward 10 months. It's my first week of college, and I don't have a good version of Microsoft Office on my computer. So, I buy the download option from the tech store website. Yet, I don't receive the download link, and I'm instead told to pick it up in store. I'm 20 feet from the tech store, so I just decide to go ask what the deal is right now.
I walk in and approach the first employee. "Can I ask you something?" I say nicely, thinking about all the abrupt ways customers would ask me questions.
He looks up. He looks really familiar.
"Yes, you can," he says in a funny voice. I sense that was a joke, as if I weren't originally allowed to ask him something but now he's allowing me to. I press on with my question about the download link that is no where to be found, and if there's actually something I need to pick up in store.
"No," he says simply, cocking his head to the side and smiling. Pause. You're sort of supposed to elaborate I think.
"So...there's nothing I need to do here?" I say, trying to actually make sense of it all.
"Nope," he says. "But you could say 'hi'." He smiles slightly and is giving me alarmingly intense eye contact.
My stomach twists. Don't blush don't blush don't blush. I laugh. "Hi," I reply.
"Hi." We both just sort of look at each other. I can't stand it, and I still haven't gotten a decent answer. I was also thinking that if I had ever acted like this with a customer, I would have been told to never do it again as I would be unprofessional and not representing the company well and blah blah blah. But, college retail is apparently very different.
"So, I'll get the link by email?"
"Yes, we just haven't updated our description on the website. That's why you're confused. It will come in a day or two," he replies, this time acting like a normal retail employee. At last, my question is answered.
"Okay, thank you," I reply.
"No problem...and I can help you with something else if you need," he offers sincerely.
"No...no, I'm good for now."
"Are you sure?" he asks playfully, pretending to be very serious about it. I laugh and say I'm sure, and leave.
A few minutes later, I realized that was the same guy I had talked to on Scholar's Day. But he had gotten way, way more attractive. He had cut his hair. He still looked like a nerd, but in this case, the nerd look was very nice.
Obviously, after that kind of conversation, I'm going to think about it. It was strange to me, yet enjoyable. Of course I would try to talk to him again.
Episode #3: Buying a Flash Drive I Didn't Really Need
A few days later, I'm sitting outside the tech store. I see him and really want to talk to him, but something is holding me back. After a while of feeling horrible and distant, I say "screw it" and gather up my stuff. I'm going in.
He sitting at the front, untangling a cord. He doesn't even look up. I pretend to be looking for a flash drive, and am approached by another employee who recommends one. I take it and walk around the store, just trying to buy time...just trying to think of a way I can say something to him without being blatantly obvious. But I can't. And he seems so preoccupied. I buy the flash drive from the other employee and leave. Cute nerdy guy ignored me the whole time. Disappointing day. I resolve to give up any attempt at talking to him, because he's obviously not interested.
Episode #4: Waiting Is Never a Good Idea
Today, I was sitting outside the tech store. Part of me wanted to go in and try again, and part of me didn't. And part of me told me that I should really be doing my calculus homework. So I just sat for an hour, stealing glances at him occasionally. After a while, when the tech store was pretty empty of people, I decided to just screw it again and go in, this time with the excuse of looking for an extra lightening cable for my iPhone.
He was standing right at the entrance. I walk in. We make eye contact, and I say hi quietly, moving to the back of the store where the cables are, because unfortunately, I do need to act like I'm there for a reason. And then, he leaves.
I should have known. He had his backpack and everything, and I waited just a little too long. Damn it. Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn it. I leave, feeling horrible, yet AGAIN.
This is where the story ends for now. Tragic, right? Why do I keep trying? Why can't I just forget about it and move on?
Regardless, I have told myself I will go in tomorrow after classes and try one more time. I'm going to give my absolute best effort to converse with him. If it doesn't work, fine. At least I have that consolation. If it works, then I have THAT consolation. But I am tired of this frustration, and I want it resolved.
Stay tuned for the final update.
Episode 1: Scholar's Day
A year ago, I was here on campus as a prospective student who was invited on a designated day to see the very best of the university. As I was wandering around campus, there was a specific area of rows and rows of tables. Each table represented a club, fraternity, sorority, or on-campus resource. So, I strolled along the rows, just sort of looking but not seeing, not really wanting to have to interact with anyone. That was all well and good until I started down the final row. I accidentally made eye contact with the guy behind a table, and basically thought oh shit, now I'm going to have to talk to someone. I know, I know. That's a horrible thing to say. But I'm only being honest. I take a few steps in the opposite direction. "Hello."
My eyes travel back to the guy I had made eye contact with. Tall, dark wavy hair that was a little too long, classic hipster glasses, somewhat tired expression--he basically looks like a typical computer science major. "Hi," I reply, reluctantly walking over to the table.
"We're the Tech Store. We have all your tech needs," he says quietly.
"Okay," I say, nodding my head and desperately trying to think of something to say. Think. Come on, thinkkkkk.
"Yeahhhh," he says. Cue an awkward, three second pause during which neither of us really look at each other.
Say something. Say it now. Seriously, THINK OF SOMETHING.
"So, do you guys sell computers?" As soon as I said it, I hated myself. I blushed. It was probably the dumbest thing to ever say to someone who works at the TECHNOLOGY STORE.
"Yeah," he says, probably noting the stupid question, but probably also relieved the silence was broken. He rambles on about other things they do, but I wasn't listening. My cheeks were burning and I just wanted to run away.
"Okay, thanks," I reply warmly, moving away a little. "I'm just going to take some of this candy you have sitting out here." I grab a piece and start moving.
"Take more," he said.
"No, I'm good, thanks."
"No really, take more."
At this point, any normal person would take more candy. But you know what I said?
"No, I really shouldn't eat candy." And now I'm walking away as fast as possible.
What. The. Heck. Is. Wrong. With. Me. I'm not kidding when I say I replay that over and over sometimes during those nights I can't fall asleep. It's so awkward and painful to remember. Also, just note I was awkward only because I wasn't expecting to talk to anyone. I wasn't attracted to him or anything. Yet.
Episode #2: The Download
Fast forward 10 months. It's my first week of college, and I don't have a good version of Microsoft Office on my computer. So, I buy the download option from the tech store website. Yet, I don't receive the download link, and I'm instead told to pick it up in store. I'm 20 feet from the tech store, so I just decide to go ask what the deal is right now.
I walk in and approach the first employee. "Can I ask you something?" I say nicely, thinking about all the abrupt ways customers would ask me questions.
He looks up. He looks really familiar.
"Yes, you can," he says in a funny voice. I sense that was a joke, as if I weren't originally allowed to ask him something but now he's allowing me to. I press on with my question about the download link that is no where to be found, and if there's actually something I need to pick up in store.
"No," he says simply, cocking his head to the side and smiling. Pause. You're sort of supposed to elaborate I think.
"So...there's nothing I need to do here?" I say, trying to actually make sense of it all.
"Nope," he says. "But you could say 'hi'." He smiles slightly and is giving me alarmingly intense eye contact.
My stomach twists. Don't blush don't blush don't blush. I laugh. "Hi," I reply.
"Hi." We both just sort of look at each other. I can't stand it, and I still haven't gotten a decent answer. I was also thinking that if I had ever acted like this with a customer, I would have been told to never do it again as I would be unprofessional and not representing the company well and blah blah blah. But, college retail is apparently very different.
"So, I'll get the link by email?"
"Yes, we just haven't updated our description on the website. That's why you're confused. It will come in a day or two," he replies, this time acting like a normal retail employee. At last, my question is answered.
"Okay, thank you," I reply.
"No problem...and I can help you with something else if you need," he offers sincerely.
"No...no, I'm good for now."
"Are you sure?" he asks playfully, pretending to be very serious about it. I laugh and say I'm sure, and leave.
A few minutes later, I realized that was the same guy I had talked to on Scholar's Day. But he had gotten way, way more attractive. He had cut his hair. He still looked like a nerd, but in this case, the nerd look was very nice.
Obviously, after that kind of conversation, I'm going to think about it. It was strange to me, yet enjoyable. Of course I would try to talk to him again.
Episode #3: Buying a Flash Drive I Didn't Really Need
A few days later, I'm sitting outside the tech store. I see him and really want to talk to him, but something is holding me back. After a while of feeling horrible and distant, I say "screw it" and gather up my stuff. I'm going in.
He sitting at the front, untangling a cord. He doesn't even look up. I pretend to be looking for a flash drive, and am approached by another employee who recommends one. I take it and walk around the store, just trying to buy time...just trying to think of a way I can say something to him without being blatantly obvious. But I can't. And he seems so preoccupied. I buy the flash drive from the other employee and leave. Cute nerdy guy ignored me the whole time. Disappointing day. I resolve to give up any attempt at talking to him, because he's obviously not interested.
Episode #4: Waiting Is Never a Good Idea
Today, I was sitting outside the tech store. Part of me wanted to go in and try again, and part of me didn't. And part of me told me that I should really be doing my calculus homework. So I just sat for an hour, stealing glances at him occasionally. After a while, when the tech store was pretty empty of people, I decided to just screw it again and go in, this time with the excuse of looking for an extra lightening cable for my iPhone.
He was standing right at the entrance. I walk in. We make eye contact, and I say hi quietly, moving to the back of the store where the cables are, because unfortunately, I do need to act like I'm there for a reason. And then, he leaves.
I should have known. He had his backpack and everything, and I waited just a little too long. Damn it. Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn it. I leave, feeling horrible, yet AGAIN.
This is where the story ends for now. Tragic, right? Why do I keep trying? Why can't I just forget about it and move on?
Regardless, I have told myself I will go in tomorrow after classes and try one more time. I'm going to give my absolute best effort to converse with him. If it doesn't work, fine. At least I have that consolation. If it works, then I have THAT consolation. But I am tired of this frustration, and I want it resolved.
Stay tuned for the final update.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
First Week At College Wrap-Up
Week one/I have no idea how many weeks there are in a college degree has come to a close. And let me tell you, it has been an interesting experience. Let's give the play-by-play, day-by-day (that was so clever, right?).
Monday
- I was feeling tremendously nervous. I only had two classes to get to today, but before they even began, I was worried over how rusty and stupid I felt after 3 months of doing not much at all.
- The day began with a stressful car ride in rush hour traffic into the sun. Uggh.
- My first class was my math lab, and it wasn't too bad, aside from not being able to understand the TA half the time.
- My next class was programming fundamentals, which I was insanely worried about because my history with coding has not been a pleasant one. Nevertheless, my worries mostly vanished as I think I have the best professor teaching the course.
- With no homework assigned, I literally had nothing to do all day except eat lunch and spend 2 hours in the student union overlooking some lame games of pool and ping pong.
Tuesday
- Went to my first math lecture, and it turns out I had learned everything in it from my test prep books in high school. Funny.
- Finally managed to make a friend in my intro to engineering and computer science class.
- Discovered the library and did math homework.
- Spent too much money on too much campus food and felt sick for the rest of the day.
Wednesday
- Spent most of the day in the library when I wasn't in class.
- Attempted to go to some events to get free food; promptly left when I saw the line for very tiny root beer floats was about 1/4 mile.
- Bought too much food again and zoned out watching more lame ping pong games.
Thursday
- Went to my classes again; got lost on the way to two of them. Only a freshman gets lost on the second day and not on the first.
- Happily discovered that I had already done my first project I received in my intro to engineering class a year ago.
- Ate lunch with a friend.
- Wrote an inspirational thing about Steve Jobs for a class.
- Talked with the cute guy at the tech store.
- Was asked to the silent disco; had to refuse because carpooling sucks. ):
Friday
- NO CLASSES!!!!!!!!1!!
Not a bad first week, huh? It was basically like my typical week during high school except with better food, more to do, and cooler people. I will say that one thing I like about college so far is the anonymity; almost nobody knows who I am, and that is incredibly refreshing. At my high school, everyone knew who I was, and most people weren't particularly warm to me because of that (I was a good student and I was disliked for that). But so far college has been a nice, perhaps slightly nerve-wracking, transition. Anyway, time to get to class; check back next week for more of my super interesting freshman experiences.
Monday
- I was feeling tremendously nervous. I only had two classes to get to today, but before they even began, I was worried over how rusty and stupid I felt after 3 months of doing not much at all.
- The day began with a stressful car ride in rush hour traffic into the sun. Uggh.
- My first class was my math lab, and it wasn't too bad, aside from not being able to understand the TA half the time.
- My next class was programming fundamentals, which I was insanely worried about because my history with coding has not been a pleasant one. Nevertheless, my worries mostly vanished as I think I have the best professor teaching the course.
- With no homework assigned, I literally had nothing to do all day except eat lunch and spend 2 hours in the student union overlooking some lame games of pool and ping pong.
Tuesday
- Went to my first math lecture, and it turns out I had learned everything in it from my test prep books in high school. Funny.
- Finally managed to make a friend in my intro to engineering and computer science class.
- Discovered the library and did math homework.
- Spent too much money on too much campus food and felt sick for the rest of the day.
Wednesday
- Spent most of the day in the library when I wasn't in class.
- Attempted to go to some events to get free food; promptly left when I saw the line for very tiny root beer floats was about 1/4 mile.
- Bought too much food again and zoned out watching more lame ping pong games.
Thursday
- Went to my classes again; got lost on the way to two of them. Only a freshman gets lost on the second day and not on the first.
- Happily discovered that I had already done my first project I received in my intro to engineering class a year ago.
- Ate lunch with a friend.
- Wrote an inspirational thing about Steve Jobs for a class.
- Talked with the cute guy at the tech store.
- Was asked to the silent disco; had to refuse because carpooling sucks. ):
Friday
- NO CLASSES!!!!!!!!1!!
Not a bad first week, huh? It was basically like my typical week during high school except with better food, more to do, and cooler people. I will say that one thing I like about college so far is the anonymity; almost nobody knows who I am, and that is incredibly refreshing. At my high school, everyone knew who I was, and most people weren't particularly warm to me because of that (I was a good student and I was disliked for that). But so far college has been a nice, perhaps slightly nerve-wracking, transition. Anyway, time to get to class; check back next week for more of my super interesting freshman experiences.
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