How to Sort of Survive the College Admissions Process

I know I've already been pretty snarky about the college admissions process, and it's probably annoying to listen to. My friends and parents think so, at least.

But you, my readers, are getting another dose of it today on another "Mer Monday" here on the blog. Yes, I thought that was cute. Mer Monday: a new sad/sarcastic/confused post, every Monday, every week.

Anyway, let's get into my step by step survival guide concerning college admissions and senior year of high school.

1. Research your colleges by not going solely off rankings.
2. Spend your summer before senior year NOT in summer school. You are going to want to have as much fun as possible, because there is no such thing when the school year starts.
3. At the start of school, sign up for as many AP courses you think you can handle without spontaneously combusting. Colleges love them. And you learn a heck of a lot, too. Do you think I would know that there is an enzyme called aminoacyl tRNA synthetase without taking AP biology?
4. Read up on books such as "On Writing the College Application Essay" and endless articles on the internet about acing your interviews, portfolios, and your last few SAT/ACT/subject tests. You want to be perfect, darling.
5. At the same time, stay off of College Confidential. It is never a confidence booster. It will never give you a good indication if you can get into a school. It will only make you sourly depressed for a couple of days at a time.
6. Start writing your essays. Just write. Don't think. Just write; the thinking comes in later when you realize they are complete crap and you have no time to change your topic.
7. Start editing your essays. You'll probably have to get up at crazy morning hours or stay up late to do this because you're taking 9 AP courses, remember?
8. Talk to your friends. It really helps when your friends tolerate your depressing rants about the whole thing. Except, talk to the ones who know something about the process. Otherwise, you'll just get frustrated explaining everything to that person and you'll come out feeling worse.

Example: So what's the average SAT score for Harvard freshmen? 2400? Is that good? What's yours? You mean yours is 1000 points lower? Are you sure they would even want you?

9. Keep writing your essays. They are your part-time job. They are your life. They are you. They are YOUR SOUL. Understand? Essays = soul. Colleges care the most about your soul and your SAT score, activities, awards, your algae lab in your bedroom, etc.

10. Along the way, make sure your application truly reflects your diversity comparable to that of a carbon atom. Diversity = acceptance.

11. Fully consider what will happen if you don't get into any of the schools you want. Because it is a very likely reality these days. Preparing yourself mentally for the worst helps to really alleviate the shock of the reality if it happens.

12. But keep dreaming and praying. When everything is uncertain, everything is possible. 

13. Don't post excessively sarcastic things that could be easily misinterpreted on Facebook or Twitter. I lived in fear for so many months about saying something on social media that could cause me to lose any theoretical acceptance I got. 

14. Spend your microscopic amount of free time doing something you love. It could be watching every danisnotonfire video on YouTube or spending an hour on Pinterest scrolling through pure materialistic gold. Your free time is your oyster, and make sure to relish it. Side story: my MIT interviewer asked me what I would do on a weekend with nothing to do. I had never even considered this a possibility, and I wanted to honestly answer "I'd spend it on the internet" but I had to say something that made me seem less introverted and pathetic. But hey, spending time on the internet is something I love. #yolo

15. Go to your college interviews. And if you get in there and realize within 10 minutes that the school is obviously not a match for you, that's okay. You've realized something important.
16. Send off your applications. So it should be about December now, and you should be about done with everything now. Send them off. Get them out of your life. You can move on now to more fun things.
17. But you can't move on because now you're exhausted and worried. That's normal, unfortunately.
18. Get rejected from your dream school. Ah, the worst case scenario happens. Feel it. Embrace it. Embrace something that you dearly hoped wouldn't happen, and notice how you're all right and it's really not the end of the world.
19. Get accepted into your back up school. Getting into your back up school means that a lot worse can't happen, and your back up school probably isn't such a bad school. At least, you need to start thinking that now.
20. When you get all of your decisions, spend a couple of days thinking about how everything could have been different if you had only been more diverse. 
21. Come to terms with everything and accept your best offer. I'm still working on this part.

Okay. I promise I will stop being such a sore loser about this. Or I'll at least stop talking about it.

The reality is that college admissions is only the first of many other kinds of "admissions" you'll experience in your life. There's always so much hope and promise at the start of it all, and then slowly the truth sets in. That's why it can be so brutal to the unsuspecting 18 year old; they are still naive. I imagine that with more applications, interviews, etc. to jobs and other positions you experience in the future, you become more seasoned and understanding. And tougher. And you cry less and eat less ice cream.

Besides, what matters most is not where you go to college, where you get a job, and so on, but rather what  you do with your life. Everything is what you make of it. You ultimately decide the level of education you get and what you learn from your job. If you can fully realize this, congratulations. You've attained a level of clarity that many will never reach. Be thankful for every opportunity you get and try not to compare it to the opportunities others receive. After all, the kids who got into the Ivy League may have had algae labs in their bedrooms, but you may have a Nobel prize in your future. Or not. You never know!

The Last Day of My Biggest Identity

How long have I been a gymnast? Take a guess.

If you guessed 10 years, then you should go buy a lottery ticket ASAP.

I've been a competitive gymnast for 10 years. And now, it is all coming to an end.

I've thought a lot about quitting for a long time. I've thought about how much I've wanted to quit when I got really serious. I've thought a lot about how my last day would feel--glorious, sad, or something else.

Gymnastics started innocently when I was 6 years old. At my school, parents had the option to enroll their kids in gymnastics classes instead of P.E. My parents chose to not enroll me, but the instructor saw how much I wanted to be a part of the class, and included me anyway most of the time. And I fell so incredibly in love. I loved how it felt to point my toes, to hold a handstand for a millisecond, and stick a cartwheel. I had been given a tiny, tiny taste of the world of gymnastics, and it was much too late to turn back now.

Eventually, I joined a gymnastics class at a gym. I was a 7 year old in a class of 16 year old girls. This didn't bother me, because I was finally doing the sport I loved.

This gym didn't work out and I left a few months later. I had been out of gymnastics for a few days when my mom told me I was going to try out at another gym. I remember feeling incredibly reluctant to go to this practice, but I was pulled along anyway. Little did I know that I would spend the next 9 years of my life growing up in this gym.

I finally got to experience what it was like being a part of a team. The support you receive from being on a serious team was something I had never experienced before and it made me feel like I was part of something great. Here I was, 9 years old, and I was on an absolute high. Competing at level 4 with my best friends, with coaches that cared about me so much, and parents that loved cheering for me at meets.

The years passed, and I moved through the levels somewhat slowly, but thoroughly enjoyed them. In the back of my mind was this drive to become an optional level gymnast, meaning that I would be able to make up my own routines at that point because the skills were increasing in difficulty. Optional levels started at level 7, and I was only 2 levels away.

Sure there were many happy moments and challenges along the way to this goal, but nothing major until just after I turned 13. It was then that gymnastics as I saw it at that point took a dark twist.

My current coach decided to give her position over to someone new, who could make our team even more experienced and competitive. This guy coached alongside the world's best coaches and was truly exceptional. He was going to change everything, for the better. I still have the paper that I was given announcing this:

"Although change may be uneasy, it can be the beginning of GREAT THINGS to come!!"

He changed everything, all right; little did anyone know what this man was truly capable of. He would scare off everyone on the team except for me and another girl. Little did anyone know that he would severely batter and bruise a vulnerable, sensitive, and confused girl who already had a multitude of worries on her hands. And little did anyone know how much this girl suffered quietly and horribly--for an entire year.

Perhaps I will go into more detail that wretched year in another post, but it all culminated in an extreme emotional breakdown and in his being fired. Finally, I could move on.

Well, it is somewhat ironic, but that year he worked with me, I was at my career best. The next four years consisted of two more coach changes and ultimately slowing down a bit as my academics picked up.

I did reach optional levels. In fact, I reached level 8 (there are essentially 11 levels in gymnastics, levels 1-10 and elite). When I think about it, I'm thoroughly surprised and proud I made it this far. It was an extremely difficult journey, and I have reached a level of this sport that many little girls aspire to reach. I cannot fully describe to you how I felt that first day that I realized that I was something of a role model to the gym's younger gymnasts. That day, I had just finished doing a skill I did not particularly like. As I looked up from landing, I noticed a young girl separated from her class, just standing there, staring at me in awe. There was a sparkle in her eyes that spoke I want to be just like that.

From then on, I noticed other kids doing that. And how they would occasionally come up to me and tell me that I was cool. And how their parents would do that too. And how I felt like it was all worthwhile--how I was inspiring something, no matter how small, in people by just doing something that I saw as basic.

In the end, I cannot stress how much I have thought about quitting, switching gyms, or trying something new. How many days I stood in the gym, exhausted and feeling incapable of making it through another 3 hours of practice, just thinking over and over Why am I here? Any other sport in the world would have been so much easier. I cannot stress how much I hated gymnastics that year with the horrible coach. How I dreaded every day, every second, every skill during that time. I regained some joy with the sport for a while after that, but for the past two years, I've been dying to get out. I have thoroughly wrestled with this sport; it has been a constant uphill battle.

So why did I stay in gymnastics this whole time? Why did I choose to stay when I might have been a whole lot happier without it? When all my friends had quit and I spent my days on a team of girls significantly younger than me--why did I stay?

I believe I stayed because, ultimately, if you know in your heart that something is right for you, you will stick with it. You will stay through the pain, the joy, the tears, the injuries, the pressure, the stress, the scrutiny, the feelings, and the losses. The tests and the triumphs. You will stay because you inherently know that this is right for you. That you wouldn't be the same without it. That this thing is you. It is your core identity, and you understand that no matter how difficult it is, it is who you are. And you guard who you are, with everything you have, for as long as you can. Because you know you will be a completely different you once you lose this identity.

As I look toward my last day in just a week, I have mixed emotions. But I will have satisfaction in that I gave everything I had to this sport, and this sport gave me everything that I am in return: strong, disciplined, and hard working. Gymnastics also gave me an endless list of other things, both positive and negative, but it has ultimately shaped me into the girl I am today. For that reason, I owe everything to gymnastics. It has truly given my identity, and I would be nothing without it.

Befriending People Who Hate People and More

Let's talk about my MIT interview.

Actually, it was such a horrific experience that I prefer not to talk about it. But let's talk about this specific part.

I have no idea what he asked, but at one point I started talking about my school atmosphere. It started off okay, but it got pretty negative pretty fast as I started talking about the difficulty of making friends even though I try to be nice to everyone. I said all of that with tears in my eyes. Uggh. Imagine how desperately I was trying to remain emotionally neutral, but I couldn't shift out of fifth gear.

When I finally got my head together, thinking okay maybe I should show some sort of understanding or philosophy or something, I concluded with, "But this has taught me the that not everyone can be a friend. Some people just aren't going to want to befriend you, no matter how nice and kind you are."

The response I got? The most duh, isn't that sort of obvious? look and "Yes, that is true..."

This guy didn't get me at all. Actually, for anyone who has never really experienced this kind of environment, to the point that you've almost completely given up on making friends, they can't possibly, fully understand that realizing that not everyone can be a friend is actually a huge revelation. People like me who are nice and sensitive take a lot longer to understand this sort of thing.

It's always sort of baffled me that I try so hard to be nice and open and caring and my friend turnover rate is incredibly low. Maybe I'm the problem, as my interviewer roundaboutly suggested. But how? How could I be the problem when I am the nice one?

There is another layer of complexity to this problem. So, I sort of gave up actively making friends a while ago. And now, I'm somehow making friends.

For example, the girl I sit next to in psychology, who has told the class that humans make her stressed and that she wants to be a mortician (see the correlation?), completely surprised me one week by quietly saying "hi" to me as I walked in. Then, she surprised me a few weeks ago as I was leaving by wishing me a good spring break. THEN. Last week everybody had left the room except us. She started a conversation with me.

This is the girl who has not said a word all year.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy about it. I may be on my way out of this place, but I appreciate positive interaction.

This is also not the first time somebody who seems like they don't want to be friends with anyone has wanted to befriend me.

I can't understand any of it. And now, I don't know how to make friends going forward. Do I try the "nice" route and probably get them to just ignore me, or do I ignore them and let them come to me? I don't know. I guess being nice scares some people away. Which is really, really strange to me, if you couldn't tell already.

Perhaps I can maximize my friend turnover rate by alternating both methods. That sounds like the most ridiculous thing ever, but it seems to sort of be working.

Uggh. Anyway. I appreciate that I've somehow been able to win my current friends. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to leave to go sit in a classroom and ignore everyone to make them befriend me.

Favorite Quotations

There's not much that can make you think more than a profound quote. One great place to find quotes is Pinterest. If it weren't for Pinterest, then, I wouldn't think much.

Just kidding.

Yes, most of these quotes have been found from my two years on Pinterest, but some are from literature and interesting people. But they all mean something to me, and some have even had the power to change my mindset on critical situations. So, let's go.


"The trouble is, you think you have time." - Buddha

"When BS reaches a very high level, it's called thinking." - On Writing the College Application Essay

"Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Do human beings ever realize life while they live it?--every, every minute?" - Our Town

"Not my circus, not my monkeys." - Polish proverb

"But I realized that A players like working with other A players; they just don't like working with C players." - Steve Jobs

"Self motivation is security." - my dad

"Pray to the Lord for He will make their hearts open to His Word." - Leviticus 23:23-27

"Faith assures us of the things we expect and convinces us of the existence of things we cannot see." - Hebrews 11:1

"Write hard and clear about what hurts." - Ernest Hemingway

"I don't care what you think about me; I don't think about you at all." - Coco Chanel

"There are people who have money and people who are rich." - Coco Chanel

"The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones that actually do." - Steve Jobs

"If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room." - Anonymous

"You must know...surely, you must know that it was all for you." Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice

"Two roads diverged in a wood,
    and I --
 I took the one less traveled by
 And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

"You're a human being, you live once, and life is beautiful, so eat the damn red velvet cupcake." - Emma Stone

The End

Guess what? I received all of my college decisions, as of March 28, 2014, at 2:00 pm. And guess what the result was?

5 rejections to 2 acceptances.

Now, when I thought about that happening about a year ago, I saw myself devastated. Depressed. Crushed. Angry. Confused. And worthless.

Laugh out loud.

In a way, it's somewhat of a relief. I mean, how could anyone choose from 7 schools? Also, I felt barely interested in about 3 of them. Although, I did (and still do) want to get into one of them specifically so badly that it literally felt painful to think about the alternative. The alternative that happened. The same alternative that I SURVIVED.

So how upset did I get over being rejected 5 times, 3 of which were all within 24 hours? Not as upset as I would have imagined. Perhaps it's just the senior year attitude, but I feel like I barely care about anything anymore. I only cried twice: majorly upset over not getting into that dream school, and somewhat angry over all the wasted time after receiving my next to last decision.

All of that time. I could have been having fun, smiling, and enjoying life. Less stressed. Happier. Less confused. And more realistic.

People tell me that if I had known the result beforehand, I wouldn't have done anything different. But I would have. I was stupid from the beginning, as I've discussed before, because four of those schools had a crazy low probability of my getting into them. But I still had hope. And honestly, hope keeps you going for a bit, but it can come back and destroy you not much later. So, I would have forgotten about two of those places, and focused a heck of a lot more on those essays for my dream school.

But I suppose that's what dreams are: dreams. They're called "dreams" for a reason. They're not easy to achieve.

I digress. I have one very, very good offer, so I feel fortunate for that. I just wish things had turned out differently. Don't we usually? However, nobody is fully in control of his or her life; one can only try to plan for it. Therefore, as I make the final decision on where I will spend the next four years of my education (and probably the best ones yet), I look forward to the twists and turns along the way. After all, it is the twists and turns in life that shape us into the wonderfully distorted human beings that we're destined to become.